Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
