I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
