I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
