Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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