Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
