Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
