RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
