i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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