ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize