Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize