I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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