therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
