Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
