Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
