Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
