hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
