Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
