Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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