i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
