he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
