I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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