We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
