Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
