is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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