Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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