Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
