Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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