No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
