I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize