Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
