Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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