ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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