I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
