he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
