so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I understand Curling. That high.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize