i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
