Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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