my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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