There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
