all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Randomize
