I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
