I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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