remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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