do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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