I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
