he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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