After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
