Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
