insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
