Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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