At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
