Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
