I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
