good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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