Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He kissed a someone with a penis
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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