are you so shy because you have an std?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
