I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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