you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
