If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
