i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize