So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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