you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
