I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
