he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
