What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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