I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
