he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
