I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
