Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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