Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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