We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
