i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
