addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
