Buhtt sex?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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