To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
