So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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