Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
